I am writing this in hopes that along the way, someone – somewhere may get enlightenment from all of this chaos.
A year from May, 2006 I received my first letter from The Neothink Secret Society. It came to me at a time in my life when I needed it most, because it seemed as though I had succumbed to the forces of the anti-civilization. This letter was a Godsend, a seed of hope, for certain. One that I almost let slip right through my fingers..
When Neothink found me, I was in a state of hopeless despair. I had let the life I worked so hard for deteriorate down to almost nothing. My mind was consumed with finding ways to escape, at almost any expense. I was, indeed, caught in a repulsive and disgusting stagnation trap. I had swiftly spiraled my way straight down to the damned door of death. I was mystified and disillusioned by my own perceptions. By what I perceived as quick fixes to my problems, but never really addressing the problems themselves. That was my problem. I couldn’t see the real opportunities available that could actually change my life, because I was too focused on what was wrong with my life. A pathetic pity party on the precipice of perpetual problems. Whew, I was stuck pretty bad.
Deterioration of my life included laziness and dishonesties for sure. My laziness- not wanting to put forth the effort, because I let past experiences of guilt, pain, and fear cloud my mind. Plus, it’s so easy to do nothing and get something. Dishonesties- lying to myself, because I did not want to take responsibility for what I had created. So, I lied, and lied.. And I sat back and watched as I died. I wanted someone else to fix it all for me. After all, didn’t I already ‘pay’ enough? It wasn’t ‘my fault’ all these bad things happened to me, right? Well, it wasn’t my fault for some things, but I certainly had to start taking responsibility for everything. Everything that happens to me, that is everything I care about. Everything I love.
I didn‘t learn my lesson after receiving that first letter… I stumbled big time.
I didn’t learn my lesson after reading those huge books… I had made it a few rungs up the ladder, got lost in my ego.. then slipped, fell, and hit my head on that damned door again.
I didn’t learn my lesson after watching some of the meetings… because at the time, I was being too emotionally critical of myself, and busy complaining about what I lacked. I wasn’t organized, and felt my belief alone would pull me through. Boy, was I wrong. I acted on things, but only half-heartedly. So, naturally I ended up with a storage room filled with unfinished projects. So proud of my collection at the time, not realizing that my attention span was comparable to an over-stimulated ‘pack rat’ trying to find that one thing that would give instant gratification to justify all the time I had wasted., I didn’t see the love that was already there.
All I could do was keep reading.
There is no doubt, the frustration from living this way for so long was taking it‘s toll on me. It was time to do some cleaning. Turning my back on death, I opened my heart to all the love of the Universe.
I finally learned my lesson when I let love in. I let the information I was taking in absorb into my mind, and without fighting, I willed for positive-breakthrough changes to happen. An awakening.. Perhaps. I never knew my eyes were shut so extremely tight, until I opened them all the way. Until I opened my heart all the way. Love never dies.
I have learned that effort – gentle care – devotion – and most importantly LOVE is required to sustain happiness in life. It has not been fully until this day as I sit and write this that I can honestly say that I have looked in the mirror and have been ‘pulled in’ by the love from within. Honest efforts and acts of love is truly where freedom begins, and sorrow ends.
Although, I can feel the whispers of the past at my feet.. I no longer let them hold me down. Time is too precious for that. Now, I clean it from my mind, and I am uplifted. Living a god life with clarity is, indeed, a miracle.
It is pretty frightening living in this anti-civilization, but the only thing that will ever make a difference is Love. Neothink teaches that with clarity. It is the source that has taught me how to save a life, my own.. And now I can move on to spread the word. I am so grateful for what Neothink has done for me. Peace, love, and happiness to all forever.
Artist & Mother