I was told that I was chosen. Actually I was told that I was one of the chosen ones because I was a searcher. Lately I’ve been thinking about that; the chosen one; the searcher. What did it mean? Why was I chosen? I was found because I was searching? Searching for what?
I turned my thoughts inward and began to examine my life and how I got to where I am now. There is no short simple answer but a clear chain of events.
My mother married young, had two children, me being the first, and soon separated and divorced after the second. My mother later explained to me as an adult that my biological father was an alcoholic, abusive, and occasionally used drugs.
I only have one memory of my biological father. My sister and I were outside swimming around in a mud hole. I must have been 4 and my sister 2. Anyway the only memory I have of my biological father is him coming home and turning on the hose and spraying us down with cold water. That’s it. In my memory I cannot picture his face but only feel his presence.
I have some pretty good memories of my sister, mom, and her girl friends and their kids up until my mom remarried.
My mom remarried and her new husband adopted my sister and I. I remember speaking to my biological father on the phone before leaving to San Vito, Italy. He promised my sister and I Barbies, a Barbie dollhouse, and a whole lot of other things. Needless to say they never came and neither did he.
We left the United States and moved to good ole’ San Vito, Italy. It was very different; a new adventure in a strange new land. Everything was different, the people spoke funny words that I couldn’t understand, and there wasn’t a single Mc Donald’s around.
We settled in and began to adjust to our new environment by adventuring out into local towns and open air markets, learning the language and customs, making new friends, and creating our own adventures as we went along and played with out new friends. Then, The Unspoken happened and my whole life and world as I knew it changed once again; this time for the worst.
Time passed by and we returned back to the United States after my mother suffered a series of heart attacks. I was relieved by a false sense that everything was going to get better. It didn’t. I rebelled and rebelled and rebelled all the way to the point that I was sent away on my 16th birthday to Job Corps.
While I was there I began to regain a sense of myself as well as be swept away in other things. Exactly one year later I returned home with having completed my GED within the first 60 days as well as also obtained my Certified Nursing Assistant license.
I came home and immediately went to work nearby. A year later it was demanded that I leave on no premise of my own. I left and never went back.
That was an experience of its own; hanging out, partying, and living a free life. Time passed and all that stuff just didn’t seem fun anymore. I wanted to settle down and share my life with someone. That’s when I met my children’s father. He sold me the world and left me with the bill.
During his reign I began to look inwards at myself and see a cycle repeating itself. I refused to continue the cycle. I didn’t want my children growing up repeating the cycle. Was I supposed to allow my daughter to grow up thinking that that was love and that is what life is about? What about my son? I could not bear the thought of him growing up and treating anyone that way. I made a decision, found a way, and got out.
A few years later my mom passed away. Once again my life came tumbling down again. I felt as though the weight of the world came crashing down on me and had taken away the one person who knew and understood me the best. My mom was the only person who I knew that I could always turn to and would be there for me. My mom was my best friend but also my immortal silent enemy.
(Please do not mistake my words; my mother means the world to me. My acceptance of her contributions to the person that I am now has allowed me to recognize and acknowledge my very own mishaps; such as repeating some of the very same mistakes with my children.)
At that point I found myself at a place in my life where I thought all was lost and hopeless. For 2 years I sought to escape the world which I had known by searching for happiness at the bottom of a bottle. I actually thought I had found it until I realized that I was on a fast track no where and began hurting the ones I loved.
I could go on and on and on. There is so much that has not been said but we must move on. I am extending an open invitation to all of you who would like to get to know me further. My life is an open book; which I will share with you in honesty but first you must agree to one simple request. My request is simply this If I agree to share with you all of me; you in turn will agree to objectively listen to the life changing events that have occurred within me through Neothink.
Which brings me to where I am now at this very moment. I no longer ask questions like why did this happen to me, what did I do to deserve this, why me, and there has to be something more to life than just this. Through Neothink I have learned these answers. The answers had always been there staring at me right in my face; I was blinded and could not see.
Neothink removed those blinders and restored my vision. Neothink confirmed my deepest and most inward feelings. Through Neothink I found FREEDOM and rediscovered MYSELF! I have come to realize that I and I alone posses total control and power over my life and myself. I have found these and many more Life Changing Secrets through Neothink!
Thank You, Thank You Mark Hamilton for all that you are and stand for. Thank You!
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