I was brought up in a very poor family

I don’t know what to say about all of this? im still a little confused? i still haven’t found my friday night esccence? as i was brought up in a very poor family,i didn’t ever,ever think of tomorrow? or have a big fantasy dream? i was just happy to have a plate of fried mush,with homemade syrup,my poor mother slaved to prepare for me,my 5 sisters and four other brothers,while my alcoholic father layed around,sucking on his sweet lucy,A K A,white port wine.if this is child hood happiness? what? AND WHERE IS THE REAL ESSENCE OF HAPPINESS?
K.